“I am trying to navigate the duality between:
– my experience + everyone else’s experience
– being gentle with myself + learning my difficult lessons so I can become better
– where my needs are gifts + where my needs are burdens
– how much gentleness can I allow myself without becoming complacent”
I have a very deep fear of being inconvenient to people, and so I really need people to handle their own boundaries. And the more I step into my own power, the more aware I am of how I affect other people. And I want above all else for my personal power to be a source of good in the world – a source of inspiration, delight, joy, and love. And I am terrified of the opposite.
So if anything I say or do makes you feel bad? Tune me out. I don’t override your sovereignty. I don’t know you better than you.
If we have a personal relationship, I invite you to speak up about how I can show up for you in a way that promotes positivity. If we don’t have a personal relationship, then guess what, we don’t have a personal relationship, and the shit I’m doing really shouldn’t affect you. Unless you’re into it, in which case, rock on. If not, switch the channel.
I’m done taking responsibility for other people’s personal boundaries. I try really hard to be a good person and frankly it’s exhausting. We live in shitty times and I’m trying to do my best to make them better and also take care of myself at the same time. I’m navigating very challenging shifts in my Ascension process that take up a lot of my bandwidth. I can’t always process the requests I get from people I don’t know. It’s exhausting just trying to discern how much energy I have to give. It’s exhausting trying to constantly balance my own needs with the needs of others and with the needs of the world.
I wish we lived in a time where we were all more supported. It’s frustrating to me because I see where we as a society are choosing the wars that we’re in and it sucks so hard to be able to see how simple it would be if we all decided, at once, collectively, to stop choosing pain and acting out of fear. I’m trying to do my part by showing my own internal process, and it is not easy, and I feel so much responsibility not to fail you, and more importantly not to fail myself, and most importantly not to fail God.
So I’m going to need everyone to be super clear about their needs, ok? I no longer have the luxury of reading everyone in the room, because my little matrix grid of green falling numbers is currently full of my own stuff. I am learning how to have needs. I am terrified of my needs costing me love, because somewhere along the line I adopted the programming that every need I choose to have is a subtraction from my worthiness, as sure as a mathematical equation.
So do me a favor and own your shit. Tell me no when you me no. I’m a reasonable person with good communication skills. But I need to be met halfway, because playing small to be convenient for everyone is holding me back from my potential.