The minute we get out of our harmful survival mode cycles, we wish we’d done it sooner.
I’m thinking about that today as I’m reflecting on the past several years, and today I want to share a little about what my work means to me.
How long it took me to get out of the spaces and ways of being that were keeping me suppressed and stagnant. How much I dreaded gathering what little reserves I had to making the leap into something sustainable.
I understand why – because there were trauma responses blocking my ability to step into those spaces. I had deeply justified reasons for shying away from the spaces I was meant for, because in the past, stepping into my power had had terrible repercussions. I had been conditioned into fear. And it’s very hard to change that when you’re already struggling just to get by. That’s the cruelty of survival mode – creating lasting change takes bandwidth we don’t always have.
Until one day we do.
Sourcing this bandwidth means cutting off the places we’re fruitlessly leaking energy, and often these places show up as attachments to short-term coping mechanisms that aren’t serving us in the long term. We realize that happiness isn’t going to be found in another spending spree, another sexual partner, another temporary escape, and when we realize that, we can stockpile the energy we might have previously put toward those ends and save it toward a greater, more permanent solution.
I feel stabler and more thriving today than I ever have before in my life. It’s remarkable. Every single thing is better in ways I couldn’t have even imagined even just a few years ago.
And today I’m reflecting back to those years I resisted, how long it took me, how steadfastly I clung to so many comfortable yet destructive ways of being.
On some level, didn’t I know what was on the other side of this leap?
In some ways I do believe my path awaited a certain emergent tipping point, a certain conflation of the knowledge and information I needed to put a full picture together so that I could understand the way out.
But if I could speak to that former self now, and if that former self were able to gather the presence to truly listen, I know I could save her years of time.
Years she could spend building the foundation for her happiness, years she could put toward mastery at the craft she’s meant for.
This message is not for everyone, as much as I would like for it to be.
Not everyone in this moment has the bandwidth to be present enough for this work, due to no fault of anyone (except the corporations and government keeping people in survival mode because of the trauma caused by systemic greed and capitalism, they make it extremely hard for us to be fully present).
But if you’re in the same cycle of confusion, heartache, injustice, and survival that I was in, and if you have that inkling of an understanding that breaking it is ultimately a better choice than continuing it, then maybe this message is for you.
Everything I needed to know about creating my reality I put into The Re-Patterning Project.
It’s the 8-week course in which I teach the mechanics behind where our past has unconsciously conditioned us to put our energy, and how we can reclaim it and create our own pathways leading to the lives we dream of.
Every six months I take about a dozen or so people through this work, and then I watch them emerge from it, usually shellshocked at first (not gonna lie, it’s a firehose of information (but you can always rewatch the lectures!!)), and then within the next 6-12 months I watch their lives completely transform. Things get better, easier. Life is never without inconvenience or hardship but it just doesn’t hit the way it used to, because we have a clear roadmap for how to navigate it. And we also have the recipe for creating more and more of the things we do want, which makes the other moments feel more worth it.
I watched a devoted music superfan emerge with a part-time job at a record label and his own home studio where he’s beginning the process of making his own music, because he remembered that nothing is stopping him from joining the ranks of his heroes.
I watched a kind and resourceful health coach report having an epiphany in the grocery aisle remembering that his dream was to be a game designer, and I’m getting to watch now as he writes his first game, secures the perfect illustrator, and goes through all the necessary publishing steps with breathtaking ease and speed.
I’m getting to see a woman embrace the spiritual traditions of her lineage for the first time after being conditioned away from them growing up, and I’m watching her voice and presence literally physically transform before my eyes.
I got to watch a young father cull his energy back from self-destructive dating patterns and emerge with a promotion at the job he loves, a work schedule full of dream projects, and a newly expansive relationship with his son, including a social circle full of friends he’s proud to introduce to him as grownup role models.
Hell, I watched a woman land a book deal with no branded social media or literally anything other than her name and a 250-word application!
I can’t take credit for any of these ideas – I can only take credit for creating the petri dish that birthed them.
The only testimonial I can take full credit for is my own – but honestly, holy heck, I’m wrapping up my album this month on which I’m collaborating with two of my favorite male singer-songwriters, and I have several amazing artists asking me to sing on their work, including some from bands I would have only dreamed about a couple years ago, and I’m in talks with a dream agent about my book draft, and my coaching site is finally all set up and clarified with all my offers ready to go, and frankly, to be completely straightforward, nobody has been assaulting/abusing me these past few years and any folks who tried exploiting me didn’t get very far before I laughed them away, so I am really feeling my bestest, despite the dumpster fire of our world at large (which I do my best to do my part in the mitigation of).
So again. This message is not for everybody and I won’t pretend that it is.
But if it’s for you and you want to learn the actionable things that made a difference for me and have made a difference for so many others as they’re passed along, then there is an opportunity opening up next month.
So if you’re feeling it, you can find more information on this site or in the posts pinned in The Re-Patterning Parlor, or you can just reach out to me directly.
But I’m excited to guide another hearty group of seekers through this journey and I’m excited to meet you if you’re one of them.
I’m excited for what 2022 has in store for me, and I’m excited to meet those who are excited for what it has in store for them too.