I’m willing to be delusional in order to create my dreams. Delusions are just visions of things that don’t exist, and what I am creating doesn’t exist yet because I have to envision it before I can create it.
I don’t know how anyone expects to get by NOT being delusional. Seriously what are you going to do, settle for what’s already there? Ridiculous. That’s the real insanity.
I’m a magician. I create things out of thin air. I used to feel resentful that I spent so much time becoming worthy and still nobody handed me the things I wanted. I did that because I wanted so much for the world to be fair that I was willing to believe it actually was. (Spoiler: it’s not.) I’m past that now, because I know I’m already worthy and nobody is going to be better at giving me what I want than me.
So I’m not on your jaded train. I don’t care. I have moved so much density. I have materialized so much. Just watch me. I’m building out an entire world.
Our lives are a series of choices. In every moment we have the choice of where to direct our attention, and those choices we make, those consecutive moments in which we decide what to focus on, whether consciously or unconsciously, are what determine our outcomes. Our limitations lie in not being able to see our full range of choices. That’s where we need more mindfulness.
When I’m less tired I’ll tell you how I created everything using only my own mind and the resources I had available to me. (I’m not saying I haven’t had help, but I am saying that I had to source that help and choose it deliberately – I have often been met with generosity and kindness but it wasn’t handed to me out of nowhere or merely because I was smart or pretty or otherwise met some arbitrary societal standard. I had to take the steps to source it, and the luck came in receiving back more than I had put up for, as though the universe was matching my donation, sometimes tenfold.) I’m gathering more and more momentum. I stopped looking to be chosen and started choosing myself.
I’m nowhere near finished and everything is building on top of the last thing and the next thing and the next. This isn’t about the thing I’m about to do next – although that’s a large and important step, I don’t want my intent to be misinterpreted to be about a single creation. It’s about the momentum I’m creating playing the biggest game of trade-ups with the universe on multiple fronts. It’s about the fact that I now understand how to do it, which means I can keep doing it well beyond the immediate moment.
Several months ago when I was exhausted and depleted from all my output I asked my magick mentor how I could increase my bandwidth, how to create resources for the next steps if I didn’t have those resources yet in order to take the next steps.
“Well,” he replied, “I think you just do it.”
It turns out he was right.
And now that I know how, I’m just going to keep going.
People will call me delusional if they don’t see it yet, and I don’t really care, because I know what I’m doing. Creating something out of nothing is what magicians do.