What I’m talking about when I talk about space madness.

I’ve known since the late August eclipse that this was going to be the next huge portal, but I really didn’t expect it to show up so… grimly. I had a vision in a ceremony I did the weekend before the eclipse and I saw the next big shift for me happening at my birthday. I didn’t really put the astrology of it together until now. I just saw myself birthing a new energy and a new record. I saw an integration happening. So I mean, it’s affirming that everyone’s talking about the cosmological weather being related to the August eclipse. I got some very strong downloads around then that were related to now. I just wish they were as… jubilant… as I had pictured them. I thought getting closer meant it would get easier.

That’s it, really. I thought getting closer meant it would get easier.

I’ve had some wounds come up that I didn’t know needed healing. It’s easier now because I know what to do and how to handle it, it’s just… I thought I would be celebrating now. I thought this shift would be joyful.

It really does feel like a darker timeline right now, doesn’t it? There’s a feeling of being locked out or separated. A feeling of time expanding. It’s a touch too Black Mirror for my comfort, tbh. Trickster energy. Not fair.

But this too is an illusion, because the path is never not right. Sometimes a step forward looks like a step back, because we are relearning all our patterns, so we choose differently this time. We detach instead of cling. The steps are all VERY counterintuitive, it’s VERY frustrating.

It’s going to be fine. We made it this far. It’s just not as… linear as we’d hoped it would feel, and so now the destination feels unclear. It’s impossible to measure quantum time like this.

Have yall read House of Leaves by Mark Danielewski? There’s a spiral stairwell in the house that contracts/expands and if you’re in it while it changes you may never get back. You may be thousands of miles from home. Until it changes again.

Timelines are really shifty right now. And it’s possible to get a lot of vertigo when you realize the stairwell isn’t just a stairwell, that you can’t count on the distance going down being the same distance as going back up. And oh god what do you do then. What’s home now if you can’t get back?

That’s why I always say these rapid expansions are like space madness. Because it’s rooted in the fear of being so far from home that you’ll never get back. Why do you think we call it being ungrounded.

So land me someplace totally unfamiliar, if you must. I’ll figure it the fuck out when I get there. I’ll keep giving up home after home and any sense of attachment to time I might have had along the way. Time? HA! As if you can measure that shit.

I feel like it’s really ominous that Facebook invented a new unit of time this week: https://twitter.com/selenalarson/status/955539350619439105

Have you guys seen The Magicians? There’s a lot I don’t like about it but boy do they get the space madness right, especially going into the second season. An hour in one dimension could cost you two weeks in another. You can try to summon a goddess and get a trickster. You can fall victim to spells without knowing it. You can lose your soul. You can get stuck places you don’t want to be. For a million years. You could VOLUNTEER to because you’re choosing to save someone you love.

I really continue to believe the path forward is supported because so far it hasn’t let me down yet and because if I didn’t believe in it I’d go mad. I believe in my creator abilities and my sovereignty because NOT to would, well.

But it’s a vast universe out there. It’s a weird time for time.

Aaaaaand, most importantly, remember you can use this time-bending in your favor too. Because just as quickly as that stairwell expands, it can also contract again. And then you can make it to the next level in a single step. And isn’t that nice.

Quantum time is just the advanced player setting of linear time. I’m just still getting used to it, that’s all.