I wasn’t depressed; there was a flaw in my operating system.
For years I had visited therapists, psychiatrists, social workers, psychological evaluators, and none of them seemed to know what was wrong with me besides “depression” and “anxiety.” I’d maybe have a breakthrough once every six months in therapy, meaning I was paying about $3000 per insight. I tried meds, and they altered my ability to cope but never made me feel any better. The month my book was released, I sat before two stunned psychologists and listed the symptoms of borderline personality disorder asking them if perhaps I’d created an entire career and book deal as a seduction coach due to a disordered sense of danger and fear of abandonment. (They didn’t have an answer for me.)
None of it helped, because none of it was accurately addressing the problem.
The problem was my OS.
My OS was running on this basic algorithm: “If I am good to people and perform at my best, I will be loved and treated well.”
And the algorithm was faulty.
For my entire life, I had been overachieving, overextending, overperforming, and believing that this would keep me safe. This is why I created my own code of dating excellence, so I could always perform at my own best personal standard. I did everything I could to appear worthy. Unfortunately, this didn’t yield the desired result – despite my best achievements, people weren’t valuing me. In fact, many of them were purposely siphoning my energy and resources.
I was running on faulty programming.
I discovered that getting to the root of my pain and frustration meant rewiring my worldview, and to do that, I had to dig deep and ask the right questions. I had to be willing to sacrifice anything standing in the way of my well-being. And ultimately I had to choose a belief system that yielded happier results.
I tracked everything I learned during that process and I’m ready to share it with others. I can hold your hand because I’ve been there.
And I can promise you, it does get better.
There is a world beyond your wildest imaginings, just beyond the edge of your limiting beliefs. Let’s see how many dreams we can make come true.
Join me for The Re-Patterning Project. We’ll be launching registration this week, so hit me up with a message if you think this path might be for you too. (Or even if you don’t think it is, but you want it to be – because we can change that belief too!)